Could your weight issues be the result of your partners influence?

I think it would be interesting to ascertain if some of our forum members have a weight problem that is not totally of their own doing. I personally have a relative that is married to a proverbial feeder. As much as she tries to diet,exercise and loose those extra kilos, her partner is the single biggest hurdle in her battle.

Feeders are those that for whatever reason seem hell bent on keeping thier partners obeese.

A few questions:-

How do you recognise a feeder?

What is their motivation for their behaviour?

Can this behaviour be modified?

Are you being influenced by a feeder and don't know it?

This is an interesting topic and worthy of discussion as it is far more common and also goes unrecognised as feeders can be subtle in their tactics.

All comments are welcome.

Thanks all.

enablers are only able to do their worst if people aren't together enough to say no to them.  WW always warns clients against saboteurs.  

you can't change an enabler - and it really is their issue anyway.  what you have to do is learn how to say no.

Hi ferny

Sounds easy but not as simple as it sounds. In the case i am refering to it's not as simple as stuffing their partner with food. The physcological and emotional pressures are unbelievable.

You are quite rightt in saying that it's their problem. I think it is like alcoholism in that untill they recognise that there is a problem how do you deal with it.

It is important that people recognise the enablers in their lives.  I am aware that some relationships have broken down because a partner lost weight.  It is usually the insecurities of the enabler that make them control the partner.  

There is lots of advice around on how to reassure your partner that losing weight will not threaten them etc. etc. but once the partner can recognise the behaviour it can change the whole relationship.

I would have to admit that I could have been labelled a feeder, I loved to create, I think it is the science of cooking really that is my thing, but my hubby was always such an appreciative eater.

I too have had to modify this to help his situation, when he first came home from BL he cooked all his own meals, but now we have managed to find a happy medium, I don't cook too fancy now but still try to make healthy food taste good.

Maybe you and Bob could put out a cookbook.....just a thort

Could but I'm getting too lazy in my old age.

I will give you a recipe though, this is one bob cooked the other day and I was mega impressed.

Mixed some ricotta with a bit of tabasco or fresh chilli,  and a little milk or water to mix, some ground ginger and pepper. dip some prawns into this and lightly fry in a sprayed pan.

He says it was a recipe he got from Nathan so the credit is his, but so Yummy.

i am not the feeders

I'll have just the prawns thanks little - yummo

Sounds great Little!

There's a definite difference between feeders and enablers though - I've seen a couple of documentaries on this. Enablers might make it a bit easier for their loved ones to indulge, but feeders are on a whole other level!

The main difference seems to be the intention - feeders actually do all they can to ensure their partner gains weight. The feeders I saw went right out of their way to only keep junk food within easy reach of their partners (most of whom were housebound and incabable of getting their own food) and some extreme feeders even force-feed lard (via a funnel) down their throats.

Enablers on the other hand simply just don't like saying no - they want to see their partners happy, and while they understand intellectually that being fitter will make them happiest in the long run, they often can't resist the 'right now'.  My parents have had that dynamic for years. Mum really wants to see Dad lose weight, but hates conflict - and consequently finds it easier to prepare meals she knows he appreciates. She knows it's wrong, but can't seem to break to cycle. Then again, it's also up to Dad to want to change.

OK thanks for that info, I was going to say I now don't think I fit into either category, as I always tried to prepare healthy food, but the problem was too much, then he was responsible for wanting more.

Hahaha He just asked me what I was saying to the forum, and I read out the whole thread, he said to tell you he is sure I must have been force-feeding him in his sleep as he can think of no other way to explain the weight.

UMMM do we still have  problem, yikes!! I hope not.